Wonderful Electric

I have this big pet peeve that when someone says something ignorant about gender, sexuality and race it bothers me. Ok I’m peeved by anything ignorant right? I mean who isn’t. However, this morning I was playing with my little brother and being the sweetheart attentive boy that he is he said “Daisey I love your nails they are so beautiful. I love the color. Can you paint mine?” In that moment my mom was just a few feet away and I know she could here me so I said, ‘Um not right, maybe another time”, when in fact the real me would have said, “Oh sure,what color do you want,lets so it now”. But knowing the objection I would come unto with my mom I withheld my opinion. 

My mom quickly remarked saying, “No, that’s for girls. Daisey you’re not supposed to tell him ‘someday’, you’re supposed to say to him that this is not for girls”. This is something that bothers me HUGE time! I mean there is such a hidden homophobic idea in raising kids. Many parents believe boys should play with boy toys and doing otherwise is prohibited and in my case highly taboo. There is this hidden unsaid but very evident fearful that letting boys do what a girl would do such as paint their nails or play with dolls will skew their sexuality and turn them gay. I mean I love my mother with all my heart but as I get older I dislike her ideas as a person more and more. These type of gender and sexuality ideas are so insane once you step outside of society’s ideas and see reality. 

This is why I love kids. I mean my little 4 year old brother does not come to this world with the stupid sexual and gender politics of society on us and so to him painting the nails is of no particular meaning other than, well, having a pretty color on your nails. I love this organic and natural approach kids have to life. It is so refreshing like a breath of fresh air to see little human beings think so healthy. This kind of mindset is the kind of mind people should keep all their lives. Watching my little brothers grow gives me hope for the future.

As a woman of the post-feminist movement, I know many of you will identify when I say that we are independent, strong, and we believe we can do everything a man can. Well, why the hell not? We push. We are modern day pushers, who push for our sexual, mental, and emotional freedom from the stereotypes that plague us just for bearing the physical encasement of a woman. But I wonder, after all the pushing and pushing do you ever just want to surrender?

I just finished reading ”The Surrender” by Toni Bentley. It is an honest to God erotic memoir about surrendering…your asshole. Ah the sexual taboo, the forbidden hole, the virgin opening…the anus. Yes, I said it. Toni Bentley’s memoir is about her experience with anal sex. But my, oh my, how her language is so poetic, dirty, open, honest yet so deeply spiritual and intelligent. Yes spiritual (I know J)! She talks about her experience with the ultimate taboo, anal sex, as the gateway to heaven! She calls it the “holy fuck” or entering the exit. Toni grew up being a ballet dancer and of course a woman. Both of these titles caused her to stiffen a bit. Ballet is all about tightening and being a woman in the modern world can be about winding up and controlling ourselves. We as women are battling our ideas, intelligence, sexuality, values and morals on a daily basis. When Toni tries anal sex, all the pushing and winding up, like a corkscrew”, she had done all her life was unwinding.

Most of us define power as being in control and therefore losing that control would be, well losing control and being powerless. But Toni argues an interesting point: choosing with whom and when to release that control IS powerful. When she surrenders her ass to this man she is choosing and giving him the permission to enter her. I think this is quite a revolutionary idea! The idea that you have power even when you choose to give it up, it is splendid.

The point I am trying to get across is this: Have you ever wanted to surrender? I mean truly surrender to anything in life. Whether it be God, music, the ocean, food, love, sex…but with the choice. The secret is the enjoyment of it is the power you have in letting go of that power. I guess ultimately this means you still have power in a strange way unlike a completely dominant and submissive situation such as rape. Reading this book made me very aware of the fact that I know secretly inside me what I want and need is to surrender. Not just to anything, why you see the CHOICE you make, the conscious decision you make to surrender to something IS your power. When you let go of the control you open a flood gate of beauty. Have you ever really wanted to let go? Whoooooosh just release… To have that much trust and security to then give in. Let the floodgates open and let whatever come come. I do. I want to give in to many things. I want to give in to love. To have someone so loving, and someone that truly respects women and me and is genuine so that I can just relax and surrender into the immensity of love. Or to surrender to life! You know sometimes there are moments you just have to say “okay life I surrender this anxiety, of where my life is taking me, I’m giving you my hand to take me and guide me. I trust you”. Or I want to surrender to my art. To the sound of the music inside of me, to sing, to let my artistic power take me where it may. Or how about surrender to the food on your plate. That magically delicious taste in your mouth…sweet, wet and warm. 

You know it’s been years since I’ve surrendered to my body. 4 years ago I remember I went to the beach and this beach was so salty. This meant I could easily float without much effort. And I did. I lay my back, feet, arms and head on the water as I would a bed…and I closed my eyes. I keep them closed and I heard the ocean speak into me. The waves were moving inside my ears and the motion was coating and covering my body like a blanket. The sun was above me and warm and everything just felt like there was no time. Everything stopped in its tracks for me. When you surrender and trust you get back an immense amount too. You just have to open that locked door and let it rush in.

I, for one understood reading that book, that surrendering is the hardest thing to do when we’ve been taught to protect ourselves. But when you do it with choice, intelligence and you do it with someone or something that will not harm you, then you can let go of that safety net and let someone or something catch you.

 So I ask you what are some things you want to surrender to in life? What are some things that society might find taboo but you want to try or tried?

A few days ago I was watching the movie “Bruno” (1999), and it’s about this boy who dresses in dresses (i.e for the world he dresses like a girl) and wins spelling bees. It was such a fabulous movie about acceptance and the fear people have of sexuality and what gender roles mean. The question this fabulous little boy raised was “If he dresses feminine, wearing skirts, heals & dresses, does that mean he’s gay?”. Fortunately, his family eventually came around to understanding this boy and in fact embracing the fact that this is the way Bruno chooses to express himself and that just because the world has stereotypes of how genders and sexuality should be and look like, it doesn’t mean he has to go by those standards. People create those standards and it’s up to us to break them down. It is so inspiring. I love watching this because it showed that there is this invisible line on what it means to be gay or straight and that brave boy passed it. The boy in fact is not gay but he was free enough in himself to dress in a manner that expressed how he feels. Don’t be a drag just be a queen, a DragQueen that is!

This movie makes me wish and hope that one day all little boys and girls will be like Bruno. They will grow up in a world where they don’t have to worry about gender roles, steriotypes, and standard ways of sexuality. Straight boys can wear tiaras, pink, heels and play with barbies and there can be macho looking gay men, without anyone EVEN batting an eyelash!

This is why I love shows like 1 girl 5 Gays and RuPaul’s Drag Race on Logo, and Sex and the City because they all question and redefine society’s ideas on sexuality and gender. Yes you know sometimes human sexuality & gender does fall into a steriotype but so what? The point is: Not all do!

I was once talking to a friend on what kind of men she would date. She says she’s not homophobic and is gay friendly. So then I asked her if she would date a bisexual man and I was shocked at how she immediately said “No!” hmmmm. Ok. Well, I wonder “if a man having sex with another man is not disgusting, then why would she not date a man who can have a relationship with both genders?” After this I thought so much about this idea. You see, it had NEVER occurred to me. I just always thought I will fall in love with a man who is for me and I will love him. It had never occurred to me that I would not date a man because he is bisexual and has sex with men in the ass. Oh these sexual politics can drive me crazy! I was amazed! I then realized this must be true for many people. Right now many people can co-exist and somewhat understand gay, lesbian and bisexuality; that a man and a man equals love and a woman with a women equals love. Yea that’s cool and great BUT not near or in you. Hmmm interesting. I have to say one of the sexuality’s that’s highly misunderstood is transgender people.

I for one wouldn’t mind. I for one, if I must say so myself, believe that it turns me quite on if a man is bisexual or gay. Gay sex turns me on for a couple of reasons. As women we have vaginas, a “hole” or opening that during sex gets poked and in heterosexual sex a male penis gets inserted. We let someone or something into us, deep inside. A straight man enters us, he enters us but we don’t enter him (unless he likes anal play, which in that case I would be glad to try!). In gay sex there is the equal balance of being entered into and entering. Both partners in gay insert and get a penis inserted into them. Maybe I’m taking this way too far but isn’t that so symbolic, metaphoric, balanced, interesting and erotic. The fact that a man is allowing another being to enter them to me is just holy. I mean in this society men are taught to be big tough men, you know if any man becomes that then he is untouchable, impenetrable. But oh no, not a gay, bisexual man or a straight man who loves anal play. In order for a straight man to let go and let someone insert in him, he has to let go of sexual definitions and of the notion that it means he’s gay.

I love it when sexual norms and gender roles are so destroyed and skewed that you just are free and are living outside the bubble society has created. When someone can step outside of these limiting ideas then we can begin to just BE. I for one want to meet people who don’t let these roles define them.

So therefore I am all for, delighted, and ecstatic for people like little Bruno who will march to the beat of their heart in a dress and tiara.

A man in a skirt, bent over and still straight is breaking sexual taboos and to me it is heavenly and holy. That’s what I say “taking it like a man” ;)

Ugh so annoyed by these kinds of boys… I call them “boys” because “men” is much to big a size that doesn’t fit their character. Boys that just want it all too fast, way too easy and now. You know, take you to a motel and fuck you and thats it. I mean I’m not saying all men are this way I know they aren’t but it just disgusts me and turns me off. I want to be treated like a lady. I also think that for me to get what I want I like to take the control of the pace of a relationship. I want to decide when to begin to have sex after we are in a monogamous relationship. I want to decide these things because many 20 somethings boys today have it so easy.

I’m not conservative but I must admit I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to the wooing in relationships. I like serious relationships. I don’t enjoy casual sex. I like to be romanced and take things slow. Take it slow for nowadays is like 2 dates! I mean C’MON! This boy I was starting to see wanted to get sexual too fast with me from our 1st real date…I went on 3 dates with him and I ended it. I don’t want that. I want a man with dreams, goals, inspiring, and respectable/understanding of my needs. If I say “no I will not be having sex early on in our relationship” then that is for a reason. 

I highly dislike the pressure to have to put out so fast. Its not fun if the guy doesn’t even have to WORK for my affection. The quality and standard and level of a woman I am should be valued and a man should have to earn my trust, affection and love. 

Its not about stupid 12am meetups in his car, makingout and being taken to a motel for me. Its just not that easy. And it fucking pisses me off when a guy tries to treat me like I’m worth 2 cents.

Women have to own their values, their truth and their bodies. You should decide when, how and why you want to be with someone. Everyone has different needs and that’s fine. Some people are comfortable with casual sex or one night stands, some are into saving themselves for marriage, some are into serious relationships. Whatever you’re style it should be respected. 

To the boys it takes so much more to being a man than just having a dick. I’m not vulgar but I’m fed up and upset. It takes much more than two pair of balls to actually having fuckin balls. It takes the care, intimacy, respect, work, dreams, communication to get into a woman’s heart. 

When it comes to love, men and sex its never been an easy thing for me. Growing up I was alway really shy and very very distrusting of boys. It was like they were aliens. I know this has to do with the poor relationship I have with my physically abusive dad growing up. And most recently I’ve been on a mission to overcome these ideas.

I know in my heart that there are WONDERFUL great loving men just the way I dream of but I also know there are pigs who will eat me alive. Most recently I decided I wanted to start dating again. You know flirt with men have it be casual and have them take me out to dinner. However my rule is that I don’t have sex with men unless I’m in a serious loving monogamous relationship. Let me make this clear that I don’t disapprove of casual sex its just that everyone has different needs and for me it doesn’t work for me. So I started dating someone and I only got to going on dates with one boy until I had to stop because he just wanted to get sexual. I was just feeling so uncomfortable because for me it takes so much trust and love to get to that place with a man.

I need the intimacy and security and trust that comes with a committed relationship. I love all things sexual and my desires, the things I am open to doing are boundless but I can’t really let go unless I am in love. It kind of bummed me out for a bit because I thought I could be all Samanthaish from “Sex and the City” having sex like men but I realized I’m a bit like Charlotte. I want to be in love. When it comes then to having sex with my partner I am not prudish at all. I love trying new things, I love fantasy, fetish,dressing up, you name it I will want to try it.

Well what I finally accepted about my needs and character is that sex just isnt enough for me. Yes I have sexual needs. Most nights I can’t sleep because I just want to be held,  kissed and have a man next to me but I realized I don’t just want sex because I want it all. I need a friend someone I can talk to, someone who really listens. Someone who I’m intimate with and can honestly share my thoughts and ideas with. My friend, my lover, my confidant. I want someone with goals and dreams, someone who inspires me, someone I’m proud to be around. Someone I can be myself with. 

I want someone adventurous in sex and life. A spiritual, quirky,artistic, loving, warm man. I don’t care in what exterior it comes in as long as he’s tailor made for me. I know it seems idealistic but I’m realistic I know people aren’t perfect but I also am not a woman who will settle for less than what I deserve. I refuse to, I will not. 

I’m greedy and hungry in love. I’m a monster I want it all. I don’t just want a man’s dick I want his soul. I want to know his secrets, his fears, I want to please him and I want him to know my heart, my mind, my quirks, and what I’m like. 

Hey and why should any woman not expect the best?

Recently theres been such opposition to women related things. Ex: abortion debate, ice cream made of breast milk, prostitution.Why are people so concerned in controlling what women do w/their bodies & why are the things that come out of it considered disgusting?

I find it very odd that people feel so repulsed & disgusted by drinking milk coming from a woman, a human being. Breast milk=milk for humans. However, we are so okay with milk made for cows. We are the only animals that drink milk from other animals. We don’t see pigs drinking cow’s milk now do we? How strange to see such female oppression still today.

Lastly, I will not get into an abortion debate but I don’t know why people are so concerned with controlling what a woman does with her body. If you feel it is morally wrong and that this woman will go to “hell” then whatever let her be, if its wrong then why do you care. I don’t see any law that controls men’s bodily fluids which makes babies.

I’m tired of the world I live in as a woman. Every time I step outside I feel very aware of my position in society as a woman. Of course I feel the need to kick those ideals and stereotypes in the ass but they are hard to live with.